When I sat down to watch an episode of the hit musical drama 'Glee' yesterday, I realized how tough high school life can be. I'd almost forgotten about that era. Thanks to a certain character named Wade a.k.a. Unique, I realized how things could get ugly when you weren't exactly conventional in the sense of the term as people knew it.
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| Glee's Wade 'Unique' Adams |
I, for one, had major trouble getting people to accept that I was okay being the size that I was. I didn't particularly enjoy the flab around me; but I'd learnt to accept the fact that this was who I was. This doesn't mean I didn't do anything to change how I looked - I did. I tried running for a while, dancing in the evenings, cycling even. Unfortunately 'a while' generally ended in a week. I found it extremely tough to keep up with any form of exercise I took up.
Weeks turned into months and months into years. The once plump girl from school turned into the obese woman stuck in a corporate job. Sitting in your seat, staring at a laptop, and hitting the keys with a vengeance did not burn calories (How I wish it did!).
There came a day when I decided to try and join a gym. (Sigh!) From the moment I walked in, I knew from the looks on their faces that I was being judged. The fair skinned receptionist, with her make up caked on perfectly, her 28" waistline - she instantly thought that she was better than me. Oh, forget her being better; she almost pitied me for looking the way I did. Was I imagining all of this? Nopes! I actually overheard the receptionist and a male client talking about me as I walked into the nutritionist's office. The sneering was loud enough for me not to ignore it.
The nutritionist decided to sit me down and discuss what plans would be best for me; but before we got started out she asked me to stand up on the huge weighing scale in her office. Suddenly it hit me, the only thing larger than me in that office was perhaps that weighing scale; and it was that very scale that was going to tell the nutritionist and a personal trainer who were in the room exactly what my weight was. It was as bad as being stripped naked in front of a 1000 men. Alright, so I was overreacting; but it wasn't the prettiest of things to do. Coupled with the sneering I'd been met with ever since I walked in the door, stepping onto that weighing scale was not something I was looking forward to.
I held my breath and stepped onto it with great hesitation; and as if almost on command, exhaled when my second foot landed on the scale. The look on the nutritionist's face was enough to tell me that there was reason to worry. I was then standing at the rather 'large' figure of 108 kilograms. Yep. That was how much I weighed. Suddenly, it all came crashing on me. My weight was in three figures. No wonder these guys had been laughing and sneering.
As I looked at myself in the mirror that evening, something about me had changed. I no longer noticed my pretty smile or my lovely glowing skin. All I was worried about was my unshapely butt and my waistline that was spilling out of my pants. Isn't it amazing how one small incident can make you change the way you look at yourself - for better or for worse!
If you have to look at me today, you'd know that I took the decision to make a change about how things were going. But it wasn't easy taking that decision. I fought with a lot more weighty issues before I decided to make a difference. I hit a number higher than 108 before I started moving backwards. Today, at 84 kilograms, I am about 20 -22 kilograms above my ideal weight range; but it sure seems like a reality within my grasp. Add to this the fact that I have managed to go out and become a certified dance fitness trainer only adds to the feathers in my cap. My journey of reclaiming my life is no longer something I struggle with alone. I have found my means to an end; and I am also helping a lot of people around me do the same. If I could do it, so can they! Eh?
P.S.: I still am hesitant about getting onto a weighing scale, but I am hoping that changes with time.
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